Sometimes it seems the weeks are just flying by, but lately time seems to pass so slowly... I'm 23 weeks now, but for the past few days I've been thinking it was 24! Of course, my mind has been mush lately- what do they call that? Pregnancy brain? Momnesia? I can't seem to remember anything!
And I don't know why, but my worries keep creeping back to me... It's almost like this isn't real- it just can't be real... Or maybe it's too good to be true? I remember feeling this way so many times in my life (right before receiving Sophie & Ollie for sure). But it seems that every time I hear of a stillbirth or a nightmare birth experience (why are people sharing these with me?), I start to get consumed with worry. I know that the odds of everything being okay now are very very good, but still I worry. I wonder if all pregnant women go through this, or is it worse since I've had three losses? In any case, I have to remind myself of a beautiful passage that my sweet friend Kim (3peanuts) shared with me at the very beginning of my pregnancy...
Come to me and rest in my loving presence. You know that this day will bring difficulties, and you are trying to think your way through those trials. As you anticipate what is ahead of you, you forget that I am with you - now and always. Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only when they actually occur. Do not multiply your suffering in this way! Instead, come to me and relax in my peace. I will strengthen you and prepare you for this day, transforming your fear into confident trust. (Matthew 11:28-30; Joshua 1:5, 9)
I really need to remember to live in the moment and not to let worry ruin my enjoyment of the new life that I'm sharing- because I've been given such a gift, and I do know that~
I'll be posting about names in the next couple of days... :)
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41 comments:
Don't worry Shana, you'll be fine. It's just the hormones.
Oh Shana, my heart goes out to you. I know all too well the fear you are talking about. When I was pregnant with my son (after two losses)I was so fearful. It did get better after the first trimester, but I was honestly scared the entire pregnancy. And I have NO idea why people are sharing stillbirth and other scary stories with you right now.
BTW - my son is now 7, but I have not yet attempted another pregnancy. I guess that fear really never goes away.
Oh, and please hurry with the name post! :)
I like Mary for a name! LOL!23 weeks girl you got it going on! No worries! Just wait till she is a teenager! I think that is why God makes babies so cute...so you don't kill them when they are teeenagers! LOL!
P.S. Mary Theresa is lovely too! LOL! Actually my favorite names are Elizabeth and Sarah.
That is a beautiful, moving verse. I've copied it for my own reference. :-)
I've had those very same worries all through my two successful and healthy pregnancies.
Praying for you, for strength and peace.
Just think about how much you worry about Sophie and Ollie now... I'm sure it's about the same amount. We're Mommas, that's what we do, and it's completely normal!!! Hope you had a great Mother's Day.
Have you decided on a name yet???
I worry all the time too, even though I haven't experienced the heartbreak that you have in the past... I get all the nightmare stories too. I guess people just don't think... I'm about 4 weeks from my due date now, so I'm getting all of the worst possible birth stories from supposedly "well meaning" people. Do they not think I'm anxious enough? ;-)
Everything you are feeling is completely normal!
PS. you like teasing us about the names don't you!? (=
Keep your faith my friend....my pregnancy was difficult as well....I'll keep you in my prayers...enjoy this time....you are truly blessed! ;)
Oh my gosh! You have no idea how I needed those verses! I think your friend gave you great advice. But, it is so very hard for me to follow.
I wish you the very best and try not to worry. I feel so hypocritical typing that...I worry ALL the time!!!! Especially since our adoption is getting closer.
Oh Shana, I've never been pregnant but I KNOW it's normal to worry, especially after dealing with such tragic losses. My sister in law had 4 miscarriages and she was an absolute mess with worry throughout her pregnancy. That pregnancy resulted in my beautiful little niece who is now 3 :) I know you know it can happen, pregnancy after many miscarriages, but I just wanted to assure you with a good personal story (WHY are people telling you scary stories like that?!) that it really can happen, and yes it seems too good to be true and it will continue to feel that way when you are holding your precious, amazing daughter in your arms which WILL happen :)
I can also relate because I had a failed domestic adoption before I adopted my two boys. As soon as they were placed in my arms I remember I told my husband "run before they change their minds!" It is something you never really get over I'm sure, but just know that you are in my thoughts every day!
I'm so excited to hear your name choices :)
Those are some great verses, and ones I need to remember!
I will keep you in my prayers.
This is perfectly normal, especially since you suffered so many miscarriages. Often times, women who have had many miscarriages don't enjoy a carefree pregnancy because of the fear of loss. On the blogs and forums I've read, it's referred to as DBT, or dead baby thoughts.
There is a common notion that one should avoid thinking these thoughts and force a positive thought instead, but this just suppresses it and can manifest in many ways. Perhaps your headaches are part of this, perhaps not.
But, it's been shown that actually addressing these thoughts, since they are very valid, is a better way of handling them. I'm glad you posted your feelings and can get responses that may comfort and reassure you.
Let yourself imagine many different scenarios, from a the worse case, losing your baby and how that would be, to having a premature baby, to having a perfectly healthy baby, the best case.
There are also other considerations, as you mentioned, the same feelings as you had right before adopting. How will this child fit in? Will I have enough time for everyone?
Then, there are birth feelings...How will I handle labor? What if I have a cesarean? Will I have a natural birth and what support do I have set up, like a doula?
You are dealing with a lot right now emotionally as well as physically. Sophie's adoption blog makes the adoption seem so "charmed" yet those of us going through it know the ups and downs that really go along with it. Oliver's adoption and the surrounding events were very traumatic. Then, finding out about Sophie's lack of vision was very worrisome for you.
Please rest assured that your feelings and thoughts right now are VERY normal and extremely understandable. Of course, knowing this doesn't make them any more pleasant. Don't hesitate to discuss them with those you are close to who will understand and not try to brush them aside.
You seem very healthy and I'm sure you are doing all that you can to ensure you and your baby's health. Take comfort in this.
Bask in the love of your daughter and son and know that it will be multiplied thoughout your lives and that you are about to add more love into your family with this new baby.
I will pray for you, too, that you will feel comforted when you worry and have a spiritual of assurance that all will be well.
Thank you for sharing that verse from Kim.
It means so much to me now with every thing that is going on in Sichuan and surrounding areas....
I am going to print this and tuck this where I can pull it out as I think it will help me until I travel to bring our little Sophie home.
Once again, thanks for the uplifting post. I also am feeling that right now before this adoption and before we brought Simone home, is this too good to be true??
Hang in there and I am so sorry you have heard stories like that from people. Some times I think to my self, don't people think before they talk!
Take care, Michele
You know I had what some people would consider a terrible birth (never went into labor, absolute emergency c section due to heartrate issues) and in the end it was perfect because I got my healthy son. A wise man once said; we cannot control the cards we are dealt, only the way we play the hand.
Oh my goodness, I was a nervous wreck with my pregnancies! During my last pregnancy I saw a show on Discovery Channel about hermaphrodites and I was convinced my child was going to be a hermaphrodite... it's so crazy what those mommy hormones can do to you!!!
Just rest on that verse that Kim gave you when those thoughts start to creep in, your baby is His creation, fearfully and WONDERFULLY made :)
God will carry your worry for you. He knows your every need, want, and care. You truly just have to fight these feelings by counting your Blessings. People don't mean to worry you. Sometimes people out of there own worry feel the need to share. Ofcourse not thinking that you are imagining things as they are talking. You kinda just have to head them off by saying " I really don't like to think about things like that right now"....God Bless You and Your Beautiful Family
I also had three losses before my son was born. I don't think you ever stop fearing, at least a little bit, until your bundle is in your arms. Hang in there! Your kitten is doing great!
I am a worrier too... I worried through four pregnancies and one adoption. My mother says, "Never trouble trouble, 'til trouble troubles you"! :) As for those awful stories... honestly, why in heaven's name do people tell these? Why? Maybe you could ask them! WHY?
Thank you so much for sharing your pregnancy. I know that a big portion of the journaling is for you. To capture and remember this very special time in your life. Something to read back to the kitten within years later.
My niece, after 3 years of infertility, is due in December. She has also been accepted in a very select PH.D program in theology.
My daughter is pregnant for the
6th time. She has 2 children. She is also due in December.
The passage you shared will be sent to them. They too, share the same fears as you. I remember waves of panic as well. I think it is part of pregnancy.
Hugs to you,
Deb
I don't know you or your family but I have been reading your blog since just after you met your sweet Sophie Lu.
I just wanted to comment on one thing: Why on EARTH do people feel compelled to share pregnancy and birth horror stories with pregnant women??? Espcially since most of the time, they're sharing these stories with first-time pregnant moms.
Obviously they were, themselves, pregnant at some point - did THEY want to hear those stories? I'm sure not!
It is just one of those things that has always annoyed me and when I was pregnant I would stop people mid-sentence and say, "If you're about to say something that is going to scare me, please stop now." ::smile::
Shana,
I have never understood why some poepl feel the need to share all of their bad stories with pregnant women. It is so insensitive. I found that when I was pregnant with my first, everyone had to scare me and tell me everything bad that happened to them...and then when the baby came and I needed advice those same people acted like I was an idiot and we were doing everything wrong. They seriously acted like their children were perfect because they were perfect parents and had everything figured out. It was so stressful and frusterating.
I am sorry that you are going through this but it will all be okay. I am praying for God's strength and peace to cover you. Can't wait to hear you names.
Oh Shana, worrying is part of being a mother. But try not to worry. I worried with both of my pregnancies because of loss of previous ones, and worried even more with my second because I had some complications with my first and it really stressed me out wondering how things would go the second time.
BUT, it is not good to worry. I know you know that. The stress hormones you release from worry go to the beautiful little girl of yours too, and she needs to be safe. Try to do relaxation type things every day for yourself, and imagine the day that you will deliver a sweet baby and yet again have another child placed into your arms forever.
For me keeping track of the days left stressed me out too. I had too much to do, PLUS you never know when "kitten" will choose to show you her sweet face. That is why it is an EDD (estimated due date). It is not an exact science. My first was born at 37 weeks and my second at 41 weeks. You just never know....
Enjoy this time with that precious baby you are growing inside you. You will NEVER be this close to her again. Cherish these moments you have now and enjoy the blissful feeling of knowing that a small part of you and Michael have combined to create a miracle.
Lots of hugs....
Querida Shana, lo primero que tengo que decirte es GRACIAS, gracias porque al descubrir tu blog, me contagiaste las ganas de hacer el mio y hoy mi blog representa tanto para mi! tengo 4 hijos, tres biológicos y la más pequeña adoptada en China (Guangxi) hace ya dos años. La aventura de ser madre es eso, una aventura, recuerdo que así me lo dijo mi comadrona en el embarazo de mi primer hijo... yo siempre estuve preocupada, es normal que te preocupes porque eres sensible y tus preocupaciones demuestran que amas las cosas... pero sabes? yo sufrí mucho con mis embarazos y también sufri con mi adopción, ahora estoy en un segundo proceso de adopción y mi cabeza da vueltas a la larga espera y sobre todo a lo que ocurrirá en China, esa tierra que nos ha dado lo mejor de la vida, nuestros hijos. Dios quiere que tu tengas a tu hija y así será, avanza por ésta aventura maravillosa dia a dia, mira los ojos de Ollie y de Sophie y verás como la vida te devuelve la sonrisa. Te quiero sin conocerte por tu dulzura y tu sentido de la familia, el mismo que el mio. Tu hija nacerá sin ningún problema y los pequeños problemas que surjan los superarás, pero tal vez no surjan nunca, así que por favor no tengas miedo, nada malo va a pasarte ni a ti ni a tu bebe. Miles de besos para toda tu familia y piensa en positivo, no dejes que tu cabeza, los comentarios de los demás te entristezcan... verás como todo sale bien. Almudena
I understand. Even though I had no trouble with my pregnancies I still did the "worry thing". I think it is perfectly natural. I believe my thoughts were something like. Everything is to good...
something is bound to happen! Sounds crazy but that is really how I felt.
The beautiful scripture that you wrote in this post reminds me of one I always remember when worry of any kind creeps into my day.
Phillippians 4:7-8 And the peace of God which passeth all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true,whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise think on these things.
Sorry so long...I was just really touched by your post today. Push aside worry and allow peace to reside in its place.
Becky
Oh Shana, what a beautiful passage to read and remember in your heart. I am so happy you are well and peaceful now. Hang in there...not so long to go... ya know. We need a name for this little kitten!
hugs to you,
Betsy
HI!
Long time lurker... your children are beautiful. I am the proud parent of my 7th pregnancy. The 1st 6 ending in miscarriage. It can happen - but I did worry until I hear her cry. Tell people with their 'helpful' stories that you are scared and to SHUT-UP! Worked for me.
Lovely phrases posted today.
Stay strong!
Shana,
I have been thinking about you since I read your post yesterday. I, too, am a chronic worrier. I will spare you the details, but we had an accident with Lia in January. I've said it so often, but angels truly were at my doorstep that day and she is fine. I still fight the urge to be hyper-vigilant about her safety and keeping the fear of "what if" out of my thinking. I was thinking that this earthquake in China is so traumatic and close to your family that it has also magnified your worry. The passages that Kim shared with you are so comforting...she's a wise woman, that one. I think worry is the mantle all mothers wear and it will never really go away completly...but trust in God. Trust in goodness. Trust in your doctors. Trust in yourself. I am praying for you, your family, your health...and your worry.
Best wishes~
Kate
All the things you are feeling are completely normal, especially given your history. Just like you watch and pray over Sophie and Ollie, this is your child, and you watch and pray over her just the same.
I think every pregnant woman goes through the gammut of "what-ifs" and our changing bodies and hormones only help to increase our anxiety and worry. We have strange dreams, we have weird thoughts. Welcome to the world of pregnancy. :)
Try now, to keep your focus on the day to day issues, preparing your kids for the arrival of their little sister, and your pets for a new family member (trust me your cats WILL have an opinion in the matter!) Whenever thoughts of worry start to crowd your brain, stop whatever you are doing, take a deep breath, and turn your focus to an entirely different task.
I'm on my third pregnancy. I had two easy pregnancies (if you don't count all the nausea) but two traumatic births. I was very apprehensive about trying again, but God knows far better than we do, and you know he will take care of you. Remember he will never give you more than you can handle.
I'm so happy for you and your family. I have so enjoyed watching little Sophie grow from baby to little girl. We are in the countdown to submit our dossier for an adoption, but waiting until we've been married the required length of time, since I wasn't able to get my paperwork done before the changes last May.
You and your family are certainly in my prayers, and I look forward to seeing what names you have chosen for your little girl. We are struggling with that same decision now, but we don't know what we are having yet. I'm not due until December :)
Hi Shana,
Try to relax and enjoy. I know when we were adopting people would tell us horror stories of adoptions gone horribly wrong. Don't know why people feel compelled to do this, but they do.
You are doing everything you should be and seeing your dr. regularly, so take comfort in that.
Can't wait to hear the names!
Stacy J.
You will be fine and so will kitten. You friend who sent you that was very thoughtful. You are in my prayers for peace and certainty.
No more teasing - Post the name :D
Ladybug hugs,
;D
Girl - I'm right with you. I've had so much cramping for the past two days that I considered going in to get checked out. I'll feel so much better when I get past 27 weeks!
It's normal, very normal the way you feel...
I felt the same in all my pregnancies ...exactly the same....
A Big Kiss,
Belén
I thought I had posted, but guess not... Shana, I am praying that God gives you the peace that passes all understanding. So you can enjoy your pregnancy with your Kitten!!
Though I think "Jo" would be a good middle name!! (It's mine):)
God bless and keep you in the palm of His hand!
Debbie
Gosh Shana, I thought you were 28 weeks. My mind is just not with it!
I know its hard not to worry Shana. But you need to trust in our Lord. He will keep The Kitten safe =D
I will keep you in prayers
x
HAPPY STORY HERE ......My friend has a happy healthy 4 year old, will be 5 in August, who was born at 28 weeks. My daughter had a home day care and cared for a little girl from age 6 months until she was 3 years old, when she started preschool. Yes, it was hard on the parents, she was in ICU for a while, and oxygen until she was 3 months old.
The great news, and evidence of lots of prayer and God's great loving hands, she is a happy, healthy, smart and an ADORABLE little girl now.
Just a coincidence, she is in the same preschool as my niece, so my family sees her often.
Shana, I know it's hard not to worry. I quit often fall to my knees, ok, not literally fall to my knees, I just pray where ever I am.
On another note, how about the name Camille? Sounds good calling them to dinner......
Sophie Lu..............
Ollie......
Camille.........
(((Hugs))) and may the good Lord hold you in the palm of his hands and give you comfort.
What a beautiful, thought provoking verse.
Everything will be fine. Just keeping imaging what fun, love and closeness your family will have with Kitten. We get what we dream about. Just look at Sophie and Ollie!
It is very normal to have all of these worries. I think we all do/did. I am glad that passage helps you. It helps me all the time.
I am praying for you.
Love,
Kim
BTW---This devotional comes from a book called "Jesus Calling" and it was sent to me form another blogget too.
Kim
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