The Kitten Within

The Big News!!!

2008-09-09T15:05:00.000-07:00

39 1/2 Weeks (Due on Monday)!!!

2008-09-04T06:44:00.000-07:00

My due date is Monday! That's just 4 days away- I really can't believe it! The kitten now weighs approximately 7 1/2 pounds (maybe even 8 pounds since she always measures big) and is around 20 inches long. She still moves around quite a bit; but since it's a tight fit, I can see her foot poking out when she stretches. It's so strange (but very reassuring)!

So I had my weekly OB appointment yesterday. Somewhat discouraging.... Yes, I do know that anything can happen, and everything happens at different rates for different people; but I was expecting some change after all the painful contractions over the last week. So many false alarms, but no progress! She said my cervix is still completely closed, and she can't even be sure that I'm effaced at all (though the cervix is a little soft). So starting on Monday, she wants to start seeing me every 3 to 4 days. She wants to do a biophysical profile of the baby (with ultrasound), check the fluid level, and do a non-stress test (externally monitor the baby's heartbeat, etc. for 20 minutes). If everything looks okay, then she said she feels comfortable with me going past my due date but still wants to discuss an induction date after 41 weeks. I really really do NOT want to be induced- especially if my body isn't ready (like it isn't right now). I fear induction failure which may lead to C-section. I'm just so worried about that! So, of course, I'm googling like crazy looking for ways to "ripen the cervix", "induce naturally", etc. So, we'll see. For now though, I'm just clinging to stories of women who weren't dilated at all, but suddenly went into labor and had fast, easy, painless births... lol. Okay, so I was just kidding with that last part, but one can dream...

Okay, now regarding names one last time... First of all, I want to reiterate that my concern about the name Sasha has nothing to do with Barack Obama personally! Yes, I admitted that I am a Republican* (btw- loved Sarah Palin's speech last night), but I would also be just as concerned if John McCain had a young daughter named Sasha. My concern is ONLY that I don't want my baby to have a somewhat unusual name that is highly associated with ANY type of celebrity. For example, I wouldn't name the kitten "Paris" or "Suri" because then I'd always have to hear, "Like Paris Hilton? Like Suri Cruise?" That would bug me! Nevertheless, Michael and I have decided that the name Sasha is still in the running. Here are our reasons:

1. I don't think Obama is going to win- so people will either never know or easily forget that he has a Sasha.

2. Thanks to some commenters, I found out that his daughter's name is really "Natasha". Sasha is only her nickname.

3. I've heard Obama plans to keep his children out of the limelight and away from the media (I guess that meant after the DNC).

4. I really love the name Sasha. I have never known a pet named Sasha- so no personal associations there. And, my research indicates that 99% of all Sashas in the U.S. are girls- not boys.

5. This comment from Clueless Carolina Girl: "I just love the name Sasha. To me it sounds like a beautiful Russian princess with a sleigh and furs (we'll make them fake in the fantasy) gliding over the snow. " What beautiful imagery- and yes, the name reminds of the same. :)

6. Sophie Lu has heard me talking so much about the name, that now it is her favorite! :)

7. Sasha means "Defender of Mankind" in Russian. This meaning is special to me because it is somewhat similar to the meaning of Sophie Lu's Chinese name "Lu Yushan". We worked very hard to choose the perfect Chinese name for Sophie, and here is part of the excerpt from her blog (May, 2005):

祿 Lu means "Prosperity". It is the second element of the five-fold happinesses (the others are luck, longevity, happiness, and wealth). The God of Prosperity is the corresponding diety of Lu. Fu (luck), Lu (Prosperity), and Shou (Longevity) are frequently grouped together. These figures (Gods) are highly revered, and many Chinese throughout the world display their statues or images in their homes. Their importance is embodied in the saying, "In Heaven, there are three lucky stars; On Earth, there are fu, lu, and shou. Lu is a very treasured quality of life, and Sophie is certainly our little lucky star. :)

雨 Yu means "Rain". Since this is the meaningful part of the name given to Sophie by her orphanage director, we decided to incorporate it (perhaps it was raining when she was found).

善 Shan means "Virtuous". The wise George Wu writes, "Shan is an excellent word for a name. Shan for Virtuous is closely related to Charity, or Philanthropy. It is considered a religious name, as in Buddhism. However, in general context it conveys somebody who is dedicated to doing good for others."

"YuShan would literally mean Beneficial Rain. Lu YuShan in this context would essentially mean the Benefits of Prosperous Rain. The idea conveys that the person uses the natural nourishment of rain, which flourishes with prosperity, for the goodness of mankind. It is a very auspicious concept in chinese terms, and a rather outstanding name at that." (Thank you so much, George, for your lovely description, insight, and wisdom.)
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So, the name Sasha is still a favorite. But like so many have said, we will know her name once we see her sweet face. :)

Okay, I'm off to eat some pineapple and black licorice (both said to help ripen the cervix). And maybe I'll take a long walk while sipping some red raspberry leaf tea after taking some Evening Primrose Oil supplements. ;)

I want to thank everyone so much for the beautiful birthday wishes and for the constant love and support! I really am so blessed.

Any day now, Shana

*p.s. If you are a democrat, I still love you. :) Almost all of my friends are democrats, and unlike some mean commenters, I am very tolerant of others' political views. :)

38 1/2 weeks (pain, names, turning 40, etc.)!

2008-08-28T07:15:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm half way through my 39th week, and I never thought I'd make it this far! Also, I'm turning 40 tomorrow- boooo hoooo!!!! I can't believe today is my last day in my 30's (and I can't even have margaritas)! :)

I've had a rather rough week- I've been in lots of pain. Last Thursday, I woke up feeling very strange and very emotional. I slept a good part of the day (since I cannot sleep at night anymore), and then I started having contractions that night. They started at around 10 minutes apart and got down to 5 minutes apart. They stayed that way for a few hours, so I thought I was for sure in labor. I finished packing most of my things and eventually fell asleep. I slept off and on that night and woke up feeling pain, but no more contractions. Since then, my entire body seems to ache, and whether they are Braxton Hicks or regular contractions, I seem to have a lot of them (but not in a rhythmic fashion like Thursday night). I also get these shooting pains down low- maybe it's the kitten dropping down? It scares me that my uterus is so ultra-sensitive... if it hurts this much now, what is real labor going to be like? I must admit that I am getting nervous and a bit scared. The worst part though, is knowing that I'll have to spend at least one night in the hospital away from my kids. I've never been away overnight before, and although I know Ollie will be okay, Sophie is such a Mama's girl- I almost cry just thinking of a night away from her. So no matter what, I can NOT end up with a C-section. I can't stay in the hospital that long...

I had to cancel my OB appt. last week, but I did have one yesterday. She said my fluid is at a level 10 which is good, and that the kitten weighs 7 pounds 7 ounces (20% margin of error either way). She also briefly and very gently checked me. She said though I'm not yet dilated, I'm 50% effaced, and I could go into labor at any time. She's had patients who have been 0% dilated and not effaced who have gone into labor the next day; and she's also had patients who were already 3cm dilated who went into labor a week later. So we really don't know anything, but somehow I feel better knowing that all that contracting I experienced was productive! My OB has a very calm and reassuring way about her- I always feel that whatever I complain about is within the realm of being normal (which is very comforting to me because I'm a worrier)! I see her again next Wednesday morning, and then she goes out of town for 3 days (and the very next day is my due date (9/08). So, so far so good!

So, since I've been so uncomfortable, I haven't gotten anything done! I know some want to see the kitten's nursery, but it's not done yet. Actually, Ollie is still sleeping in there, so the room is half tiffany blue/lavender/light pink and still half blue/green ocean life themed. It's pretty funny actually. We moved Ollie to his new room with his bid boy bed a couple months ago, so I could finish the kitten's room; but we just can't get Ollie to stay in his bed. He just kept getting out and running around, playing, etc. He sleeps much better in the crib, so since the kitten will be in our room for a long while (maybe she'll be like Sophie Lu and never use her crib, lol), we decided to just move him back to the nursery for a while. When I do get it finished, I will post photos, but it's not going to be too much different from Sophie's nursery before I changed it for Ollie.

Now, regarding names again... I'm sure most everyone knows by now (I just found out last week), that one of Barack Obama's daughters is named Sasha. This really bums me out! Not so much because I'm republican (no mean comments, please), but because if he becomes president, I can already hear people saying, "Oh, Sasha- like Sasha Obama?" And that will send me straight to the Social Security office to change her name. (I have friends with daughters named Chelsea- and they still get this.) Plus, I know that if he is elected, the name Sasha will become much too popular. This is one of those times I really really need a crystal ball. If I only knew for sure that he wouldn't win, then Sasha it would (probably) be- because I really do like that name. As for Annalisa, I'm think I'm really over that name. I'm not quite sure why- but I just don't like it anymore. So Lili is looking better and better to me. People always ask what Michael likes- well, he doesn't really care- he just wants me to decide... but he does like the name Lili (pronounced like Lily). I also still like Tiffany (which was the very first name I thought of), but most of my friends really don't like it and keep telling me that it reminds them of the 80's singer and/or a stuck-up cheerleader from high school. I know I shouldn't care what others think (and I kind of really don't), but I do worry how the kitten's name will affect how people perceive her... In any case, I still like Tiffany Li, and I'm working on middle names for Lili. Maybe Lili Frances (insert Chinese middle name). I love the name Frances (not for her first name though), and it was also my grandmother's middle name. And I know people say I will know her name when she arrives, but I'm just not sure I will! I am very bad at making this kind of decision- its just so permanent! So I need a good working list of possibilities before she comes.

Only 10 days until my official due date; and in any case, I will be having a baby very soon! Still, I just can't imagine it!

Now, I'm off to figure out how I'm going to spend my very last day in my 30's (my guess is that it will involve a nice long nap)! :)

37 Weeks!

2008-08-19T17:21:00.001-07:00

Yay, 37 weeks!!! I am now officially considered "full term", and I really can't believe it. I know I've said this several times, but it feels so surreal. I actually think I'll be shocked when I see my baby girl for the first time. I think in a way I've been trying to protect myself just in case...

So, the kitten now weighs approximately 6 1/2 pounds and is around 19 inches long. My appointment last week revealed that she is indeed head down and should stay there! She kicks me constantly, and it's amazing to watch my tummy moving all around when she moves. As the photo above shows, I've definitely gotten a lot bigger. Everywhere I go, everyone makes comments like "You're ready to pop," or asks "Oh my, when are you due? Any day, right?" Being this noticeably pregnant does help it seem a bit more real. And despite all of my scares, worries, and discomforts, I really do love being pregnant. I feel really special, I feel proud of my belly, and I know I'm going to miss it. Especially since I've managed (so far) to escape stretch marks, the brown line, a popped-out belly button, and swelling of any kind. :) I wonder if these symptoms will emerge over the next couple of weeks- or will I even last that long?

And will I have her while I'm in my 30's or 40's? Yes, as if I wasn't sad enough over my kitty or my family problems, I'm about to turn 40 on August 29th. When I think about it, I feel like I'm getting old- but I think the fact that I'm about to have a baby makes it a little less painful. :) In any case, I'm keeping a calendar with all of the dates I don't want to go into labor crossed off. These dates include my birthday (8/29), Michael's 50th birthday (9/8- the official due date), my OB's vacation dates (9/5, 9/6, and 9/7), Ollie's 2nd birthday (9/20) and September 11th (for obvious reasons). I know I don't really get to choose, but I'd prefer the kitten to have her own birthday; and even though I know several people with 9/11 birthdays (no offense to those who do), I'd still prefer to avoid that day. Also, the baby's pediatrician is out of town now until August 26th. Really, that doesn't leave many great possible dates left. Hmmm... I just wish I knew when she's coming! And I still have so much to do! My list doesn't shrink- in fact, it seems like I just keep adding to it!

In other news, I found a baby pigeon yesterday. I love birds and am always rescuing one or another. The year I met Michael, I rescued 27 birds (including a huge seagull on Wilshire Blvd. in an evening gown). But this pigeon is special. She is wearing an identification bracelet! So instead of getting things done yesterday, I spent the afternoon trying to decipher and research what the letters and numbers on her bracelet meant. Well it turns out that she is a racing pigeon! I ended up contacting the racing association in Oklahoma City who helped me figure out who this pigeon's owner/trainer is. He lives kind of far from here, but races his birds in my area. I've left messages for him, but he hasn't called me back! I'm wondering if it's because this "racing" pigeon can't fly? Hmmm... So we have her in a cage I had from previous rescues. She's eating and drinking, but I feel so badly for her. The people I spoke to say she was hatched this year and has been vaccinated, but that she probably wouldn't survive on her own. Still, we can't keep her in a cage- so I hope her owner does the right thing and calls me back. And I hope she and all the other pigeons are well cared for (I don't know anything about pigeon racing). Naturally, Sophie Lu loves this pigeon and has been skipping around singing The Wonder Pets song about saving the baby pigeon. I'm hoping to hear from the pigeon's owner today (fingers crossed).

Thanks to everyone for all the input on the kitten's name. I think everyone is right- we will know her name when she is born (hopefully). Unlike Sophie Lu, Michael doesn't really care what we name her- he just wants me to make a decision and stop talking about it (typical man). lol And I love the idea many had about getting a doll (Michael vetoed the kitten idea) and letting Sophie name her Annalisa (if we don't choose that name). I tried to explain to Sophie that we don't really know what her baby sister's name will be- that it might not be Annalisa. It might be Sasha or something else. I told her that if it isn't Annalisa, that she could get a new dolly and name her Annalisa. This was her response: "No, Mommy. I'm can't name my new dolly Annalisa. I'm going to name her Sasha. My baby sister's name can be Annalisa." Oh, she really cracks me up! I do know that she will get over it and learn to accept any name we choose, but at this point I'm seriously thinking we may end up with a pet pigeon named Annalisa! ;)

Only 18 days until my official due date, but it could happen any day now. I promise to update the minute I start getting real contractions!

36 Weeks (photos & more name confusion)

2008-08-13T00:26:00.000-07:00

With my sweet Sophie Lu (who was all dressed up in her pettiskirt for a photo shoot)! She is SO excited to meet her baby sister and is having a hard time waiting. She says, "Waiting is so hard, Mama!" *I took these photos with my remote... I only wish I could get Ollie to be still for 30 seconds... :)

36 weeks pregnant!!! And these pictures don't show nearly how HUGE my belly is- I really am getting big. Only one more week and I'll be considered "full-term"! The kitten weighs around 6 pounds and is about 18 1/2 inches long! I'm starting to feel better- both physically and emotionally. Actually, I'm kind of glad I got so sick (our whole house was sick) because I got it out of the way and will probably have a healthy household for a while after the kitten is born. We also got the earthquake out of the way- so hopefully no shaking for a while either. :)

We had our last pre-labor meeting with our Doula this morning and saw some very interesting movies. ;) Tomorrow, I have an OB appointment- she will check the baby's position and also test me for group B strep. I really hope I don't have it, because if I do- I probably won't be able to labor at home for as long as I'd like to (because I'll be getting IV / antiobiotics). I heard the rate of GBS positive is around 60%, so the odds are not in my favor. We'll see what happens, though- I think the results take several days to come in... In any case, if anything interesting is revealed tomorrow, I'll post an update to this post right away.

I'm not sure if anyone else experienced this, but for some reason- I have a hard time referring to the kitten as "Annalisa". And when other people do it, it doesn't sound right to me! This didn't happen with Sophie or Oliver, so I'm wondering if we chose the right name. I still really like Sasha (even though half of the world seems have a pet with that name), and I also like Lili (but Sophie, Ollie, Lili- I don't know if I like all three names to end w/ the same sound). You know, I think I'm really liking Sasha the best now. Sasha Li. Or maybe even Sasha Lili. Sophie...Ollie...Sasha... It sounds pretty to me, and I love the letters in that name. Also- the three first letters spell SOS- which is funny and appropriate for having three kids- lol. :) I just don't know what to do, and I wish I felt free to give her a name based on how I feel when she arrives. But Sophie Lu is SO stuck on Annalisa. Yes, I'm the one that came up with that name, but she really likes it. She won't hear of any other names. She would get over it though, if we changed the name, right? I still love the name Annalisa but it just isn't feeling right, and I'm very worried that it will get shortened, and I do NOT want that. Any thoughts? And just for fun- a poll on the right... :)

Thanks again to everyone for the sweet words and kind wishes regarding my kitty Alex, etc. The comments/emails really helped me feel better. :)

*name info update: Dale just sent me this link she found on Jonni's blog. Dale, like many others, thought Sasha was mostly a boy's name, but here is what the site revealed:

"There are 15,243 people in the U.S. with the first name Sasha.
Statistically the 1495th most popular first name.
More than 99.9 percent of people with the first name Sasha are female."

I do know that Sasha is a nickname for the name Alexander in Russia- but here, it's really a girls' name. That makes me feel even more better about it! Thanks, Dale & Jonni!

35 Weeks

2008-07-31T15:35:00.000-07:00

I couldn't write last week because I was too sad- I'm still sad. We had to put my dear, sweet kitty Alex to sleep a week ago. He was 16 years old, had gotten sick (lymphoma) suddenly, and was losing weight rapidly. Once an 18 pound big beautiful Maincoone, Alex had withered to 4 pounds 7 ounces. He stopped eating and drinking and seemed to be in pain, so we made the best decision we could for him. It was so hard, though. It really devastated me, especially since I was already so fragile emotionally due to the family drama that seems to only be getting worse. Alex had been with me through so much in my life. I got him right after I graduated college, and he's been such a sweet, gentle, wise and wonderful friend to me since. I am so sorry that he won't be here to welcome and watch over my new baby girl the way he was with Sophie and Ollie. He was such a kind old soul- unlike any cat I've ever had or ever will have. I miss him so much already. Michael, Sophie & Ollie loved him dearly also. Sophie asks me questions about Kitty Heaven almost every day. This photo was taken several months ago- just when he was starting to show his age. Rest in peace, sweet Alex...

So I had an OB appointment on Thursday. Unfortunately, I lost 4 pounds since my last appt. with her just two weeks ago. She says I should be gaining 1/2 to a pound a week right now. I never ever thought I'd have to worry that I was losing weight- especially since I really do eat what I want when I want (with the addition of the recent iron-rich foods for my anemia). I have less than 5 weeks until my due date, and I've gained less than 20 pounds total so far. My perinatologist said the kitten is a good weight and is growing, but still I worry. I've been sad, stressed, and also very sick for the past couple weeks- so my appetite has decreased significantly (but I am eating). My OB says I have an upper respiratory infection and prescribed a Z-pack. I hate the thought of taking antibiotics while pregnant (or anytime really), but I wasn't getting any better, so I gave them a try. We'll see- but I still feel very flu-like.

I know I really need to find ways to cheer myself up. Usually, the first two things on my list are baking with Sophie and shopping- neither of which I feel like doing. I can't believe I don't feel like shopping- that's how I know I'm depressed. I am, however, trying to cross things off my "To Do" list, so I designed the Kitten's blog. Let's hope I don't change her name (but I'm not saying I for sure won't).

www.annalisali.blogspot.com

I also wrote my birth plan, and I have the last meeting with my doula next week. My due month starts in less than 2 weeks, and I'm just praying I last that long. I am HUGE, stretchy, sore, and sooo uncomfortable. And I think the Kitten rotated back to the transverse position. I hope not, but we'll find out next week. She moves all night, and I can't sleep at all- I wake up so often. I made tally marks the other night, and I woke up 28 times in one night! I have been taking naps almost every day though- and those are so wonderful. This is really sneaking up on me- I don't feel ready at all. Is that normal? It still seems surreal to me- it really does. Less than 5 weeks until my due date... wow...

33 Weeks (& final ultrasound pics)

2008-07-24T07:47:00.001-07:00

I had my final visit with the perinatologist yesterday, and all is well! He said the Kitten measures 33 weeks, 6 days and weighs 4 pounds 15 ounces! So by today, she probably weighs 5 pounds! So, even though my weight has been the same for a month, the Kitten is growing and is still measuring a bit ahead of schedule. Also, she is no longer in the transverse position- her head is down and should probably stay that way until the end! So in these photos, she is upside-down and all smushed, but I still think she is so cute!

Thanks again to everyone who commented last week- for all the great advice, support, wisdom, prayers & hugs. I'm starting to feel so much better- both physically & emotionally. I've been taking my extra supplements and eating lots of romaine lettuce, spinach, malt o' meal (like cream of wheat), and pumpkin seeds (pepitas) which are surprisingly high in iron! I try so hard to eat red meat, but since I became pregnant, I have such an aversion to any kind of meat including chicken. But I try.

So, I completed my 33rd week on Monday and am now half way through my 34th week. I pray that she stays put until at least 37 weeks- which isn't far away at all! I still don't feel ready- but then will I ever? I'm not afraid of childbirth- I am not, however, looking forward to spending a night away from my kids (hopefully it will only be one night- or maybe none at all if I'm really lucky). I know Ollie will be fine, because he is so easy-going, but I've never spent a night away from Sophie Lu. I've tried to prepare her for it, but she just says, "But Mommy, I can't shnug shnug (snuggle) without you!" Of course this breaks my heart, but I do know that she and Ollie will be just fine here in their home with Edilia taking care of them. We're going to leave little gifts and notes hidden all over the house- some from us, and some from their baby sister. Hopefully a little treasure hunt every few hours will distract them and keep them busy. Also, I'm planning on laboring at home until my doula says I shouldn't wait any more. Then, we'll head over to the hospital which is 5 minutes away, push, and leave. lol- don't I wish! :)

We took the official hospital tour on Monday night. The hospital is beautiful- it feels like you're at the Ritz Carlton, really. The nurses seem very nice and agreeable to my birthplan* (no drugs, no IV, no continuous monitoring, full rooming in with baby (they're not taking her away for a second), etc. I think I asked the most questions of everyone in our group, and I liked all the answers. Plus all the nurses know and like my doula Tracy- so that is great! The labor, delivery & recovery suites are all private with showers, rocking chairs, birthballs, etc. There is a lactation center w/ lactation consultants, etc... Not once in the tour did anyone ever even mention formula or bottle feeding- so I know they will be supportive of my plans to exclusively breastfeed. This hospital even has a room-service menu! Anyway, I'm feeling very comfortable with my plans and am trying to think positive and visualize my ultimate birth experience. I really believe that everything will be fine. :)

*I know everyone has their own birthplans/preferences, etc... everyone has to do what is right for them- so no judgements from me (or about me, please) :)

Only around 6 1/2 weeks to go!

32 Weeks (sad & worried about a possible new complication)

2008-07-17T07:34:00.000-07:00

Update: My OB's office just called with my blood test results. They said that I have severe anemia. My iron count was low about a month ago, so I was put on supplements. Now the doctor wants me to triple them. I guess I didn't realize how serious anemia is, but she told me that my levels are extremely low and to take this very seriously. I need to do some research to find out which foods are most iron-rich and how to maximize absorption. The good news is that my hepatic panel came back normal. If I am still having the upper abdominal pain next week, I will have to go in for an ultrasound of my gallbladder. Thanks to everyone SO much for the sweetest, most supportive comments ever! They really cheered me up! :)

I completed my 32nd week of pregnancy on Monday, and I'm half way through my 33rd week. Time is flying, and the kitten will soon be here, but I'm not ready. I want so much for my baby to begin her life in total peace- surrounded by nothing but love and harmony... and I'm starting to worry that it won't happen that way. The truth is, my life hasn't been peaceful or harmonious lately; and I know that even now, my baby can feel that. She can feel my sadness, my worry, and my stress. I feel so guilty about this, and I've tried so hard to stay calm and peaceful for her and for my other children. I may smile- I may laugh; but I fear that they may sense my anxiety and sadness. I'm going through a very rough time in my life right now- dealing with some terrible family drama that has been breaking my heart. I cry almost every day, I can barely sleep, and I've even been losing weight. I feel physically sick- as if I'm grieving. I guess I am grieving. I've always tried to avoid getting involved in situations that put my family relationships in harm's way or at risk of any kind, so this situation is particularly devastating to me. And poor Michael feels so helpless- I don't think he's ever seen me so upset. And things aren't getting better- actually I think they've just gotten worse.

I've attempted to keep this blog (and my others) free from this kind of honesty- from posting my problems. I post the smiles, the good times... I paint everything rosy because I want my children to look back and see how happy we really are. But most people know that everyone has their share of troubles. And I know that my regular, everyday troubles pale in comparison to the troubles of so many. Still, my heart is aching, and I really feel a sense of loss and loneliness. I guess since I wanted this to be my pregnancy journal, I just had to write about it. I know I couldn't possibly post another smiley picture and more happy words when I feel this awful...

And on top of all that, I am worried about a possible new complication in my pregnancy. I've been having severe upper abdominal pain for 5 days now. It feels as if I've been in a car accident and broken all my ribs. I feel sore and am even tender to the touch- right in the center of my upper abdomen/chest and a little to the right. I saw my OB yesterday who gave me an ultrasound, examined me, and then sent me straight off to have some bloodwork done. She is concerned about my gallbladder or possibly my liver. Hopefully the blood results will come in today or tomorrow- but if the pain persists (and it is so far), she wants me to go have an ultrasound of my gallbladder. I wish I knew more about gallbladder issues- I guess I'll be on the internet researching, but I've heard that they can get pretty bad during pregnancy. All I know is that I am in SO much pain, and I'm getting no sleep. And I really really don't want to be rushing off to have surgery after I give birth...

I'll update as soon as I have some news.

31 Weeks!

2008-07-11T08:53:00.000-07:00

I was 31 weeks pregnant as of Monday and am officially in my 8th month of pregnancy! The Kitten weighs approximately 3 1/2 pounds and measures around 16 inches. She still moves around like crazy and gets the hiccups several times a day (it feels very strange)! I saw my OB on Monday who assures me that my cervix hasn't been affected by the light contractions I continue to feel on a nightly basis. She says I may just have an "irritable uterus". :)

Given that my "due month" starts in 6 weeks, I don't know how I'm going to get everything done in time! I have a very long list of things to do. Most of the shopping items are checked off (no surprise there), but I still have lots of organizing to do... cupboards, drawers, baby clothes, toys, etc. And I especially need to catch up with Sophie & Ollie's blogs and all of my hard drives which are overflowing with photo folders that need to be organized and purged. Also, I'm studying photography more (natural light & shooting in manual) and trying to learn how to photograph newborns. I have lots of ideas and am collecting props (blankets, little hats, fabric for backdrops, baskets, etc.) for the Kitten's first photos. As I've mentioned, Oliver is impossible to take photos of, and Sophie Lu is quickly becoming more difficult; so it will be nice to have a subject who can't run away or make goofy faces!

I also have many logistical things to figure out in regards to having 3 kids- scheduling, nap times & locations, etc. I think I've figured out the kitten's sleeping arrangements though. She'll sleep next to me at night in this co-sleeper (so glad to find a pretty skirted one), and then she'll take her daytime naps in this bassinet which I can wheel to the butler's pantry which is far enough away from the kitchen & family/playroom so she won't get bumped around by S & O, but close enough that I can hear her and keep my eye on her... (also I'll be wearing her in a wrap, pouch or sling for a majority of the time)...

And even though she won't sleep there for quite some time, I am working on her nursery a bit. Her room will be Sophie Lu's original room. I converted it to Ollie's room for the last year, and am now changing it back to girly girl. Sophie's loves her pretty pink suite, and Ollie seems to be enjoying his big-boy bed in his new bedroom too. The Kitten's closet is quickly filling up, and it's been very exciting shopping for size NB (which I've never gotten to do before) through 12 months. The teeny tiny little dresses are SO adorable- they look like doll clothes! And I've slowly been going through Sophie's baby clothes size 12 months and up- many of which have never been worn or have been worn only once for photos. Even though there are tons of Sophie clothes to choose from, of course I will keep shopping for the Kitten- it's just too fun!

I've received several inquiries as to whether I will post updates from the hospital. My plan is to stay at home for as long as possible, so I'll try to update before we leave. Then, if my hospital has wireless internet (I'll find out at the tour in a couple weeks), I will try to update from there (or I'll have Michael do it). Just thinking about it reminds me of those last few hours in China while waiting for Sophie to arrive. I was so happy and soooo nervous!

Thanks again to everyone who helped with baby names! As it stands now, we are almost positive the Kitten's name will be Annalisa Li Shan. Li meaning "beautiful", and Shan meaning "good, pure, and of virtue". And depending on how we feel when she is born, we may be calling her Lili (pronounced Lilly). I'm so excited!!!

30 Weeks!

2008-07-03T06:55:00.000-07:00

(self portrait: 30 weeks pregnant)

So I'm 30 weeks pregnant (as of Monday); and as of today, I am officially 7 months! The Kitten weighs about 3 pounds and measures approximately 16 inches. From now on, she'll be gaining around 1/2 pound a week, so I should be getting bigger faster!

Well, we are pretty sure we will name her Annalisa. Sophie is 100% sure and tells everyone that she is naming her baby sister Annalisa (and you know I love the way she says that)! Now, I am working on a middle name. I think I mentioned before that I'd like to give her a Chinese middle name. Mostly because I want to honor Sophie Lu* and give the girls an extra special something to share, but also because I love the meanings behind Chinese names (and they sound pretty, too). *Last time I wrote about this, I got a few comments suggesting that I should also give her a Guatemalan name to honor Oliver. Here are my thoughts on that... 1) Oliver Michael is named after his father, so he already shares a special name connection with a family member. 2) Many people in Guatemala have American sounding names anyway. 3) Annalisa is a name of Latin origin. 4) Oliver is a boy, and Sophie & Annalisa are girls. 4) When people name a child after a parent, grandparent, aunt etc., they usually don't name them after ALL parents, grandparents, aunts, etc....

So here are some of the Chinese names (in pinyin) and their meanings. Keep in mind that each of these names has multiple meanings, so I'd be choosing the character that corresponds with the meaning I've chosen.

Li (beautiful)
Li (gift)
Mei (little sister)
Shi (poem)
Ling (Sunshine)
Ai (to love)
Shan (virtue or good... This is also the 3rd part of Sophie's Chinese name: Sophie Lu Yushan. Plus, it's part of my name, which I think is special)

I'd like to give her 2 middle names, but I'm not sure if her 2nd middle name will be a combo like Sophie's) Here are some possibilities:

Annalisa Li Ling
Annalisa Li Mei
Annalisa Lili Mei
Annalisa Li Shi
Annalisa Li ShiLing
Annalisa Li AiLing
Annalisa Li Shan

I'm almost positive the first part of her middle name will be Li (meaning beautiful or gift). I like the way it sounds, that it starts with an "L" like Lu, and also my grandma's name was Lee.

Many have suggested that if we name her Annalisa Li ___, that we could always call her Lili sometimes, so that is a definite possibility too. I guess we have a several more weeks to figure it out~

Happy 4th of July tomorrow! :)

29 Weeks!

2008-06-26T07:34:00.001-07:00

First of all, I want to thank everyone for sharing your birth experiences (& charlie horse experiences-lol) and for all the advice & words of wisdom on parenting 3 or more children! I know my preterm contractions didn't feel like a charlie horse, but they also weren't that painful. Knowing that the pain was nowhere near active labor pain, I was starting to worry. Thank goodness most people agree that labor isn't like one charlie horse after another! I really appreciate the detailed descriptions of what it is like. I don't feel so afraid any more... I'm feeling empowered, and though not quite ready yet, very excited!

So I'm 29 weeks pregnant as of Monday! Since I just recently entered my 3rd trimester, I keep thinking I have 3 more months to prepare, etc. But noooo.... I really doubt I have that long! First, the new trend is to have a "due month" instead of a due date- the idea being that not all women gestate for exactly 40 weeks and that 2 weeks in either direction can be normal. So my due month (according to an online due month calculator) is from August 19 to September 22! August 19th is only 7 1/2 weeks away! And I have this feeling that I will go into real labor early considering I had preterm labor contractions (and still do), the kitten is measuring big, and my mom had all three babies weeks early. Less than two months possibly? I just can't believe it- the weeks are flying by, and I'm not ready! :)

I did have an appointment with my OB on Monday. Since I do still have contractions almost on a daily basis, she told me to take it easy and rest as much as possible. But since there has been no cervical change, she believes that I may just have an irritable uterus; and she said that I don't have to be on strict bedrest for now! She is going to check my cervix length in two weeks- so hopefully there will still be no change. Until then, I just have to lay down when I'm feeling the contractions and rest as much as possible. More good news is that I passed the blood glucose test (yay, no gestational diabetes), but I am a little anemic so I have to supplement my iron intake. Also, my tummy only measured 27 centimeters (2 less than it should). I was a little concerned, but she said it's because the kitten is in a transverse position. Instead of being vertical, she is completely horizontal with her head on the left and feet on the right (which would explain the big bulge on my left and the non-stop kicking on the right)! She has at least 7 1/2 weeks to get into the proper position, so let's hope she does!

I've been receiving lots of fun packages in the mail! The latest is a pink monogrammed hospital gown! (Kind of frivolous, but so fun!) Here are some photos from the website (since I'm too lazy to unwrap, iron & photograph mine):

(not my initials- just an example)

So time is running out, and I have so much to do! But while time is passing a little too quickly for me now, Sophie Lu is having a very hard time waiting for her baby sister. She draws pictures of her every day, and every morning she asks me when she's going to be born. I keep telling her after 4th of July and right around the time of Mommy's birthday (August 29th) and Daddy's birthday (Sept. 8th). She says, "But Mommy, it's so hard to wait! Waiting isn't fun! I want to see my baby sister now!" And last night, Sophie made this wish on the one star we could find in the cloudy sky, "I wish I could go trick-or-treating with my Mommy, my Daddy, my baby sister, and my Ollie." (So sweet! I guess she realizes that someone will need to eat her baby sister's candy! lol) Yes, my darling Sophie Lu, we will be trick-or-treating with your baby sister this year! :)

28 Weeks (Third Trimester!)

2008-06-20T06:49:00.000-07:00

As of Monday, I'm officially in my third trimester! Time is going by so slowly and so quickly at the same time. I can't believe in less than 3 months, we will have a new baby girl, and that we will have three small children here at home with us! Sophie will be a few months over 4, Ollie will be a few weeks shy of 2, and then of course, there's the kitten... Oh my, things are going to change around here! Three! So does anyone have any words of wisdom or advice for me? (Please no horror stories or warnings about how three is sooo much harder than two.... I'm scared enough as it is- lol)! I'm hoping that it's all in the right attitude, but I would love to hear from others who have three or more little ones!

Okay, another question for those who have been there and done that: Last night I woke up with a charlie horse (am I the only one that calls them that?)... you know the terribly painful calf cramps that you get from time to time? Anyway, I was in agony for few minutes, and then a horrible thought came to mind- Is this what childbirth contractions feel like? OMG! I can't imagine surviving hours and hours of charlie horses in my uterus- no way! I will be having natural childbirth, so I need to know. It can't be that kind of pain, can it? Is it? Oh, please tell me it's not! I know the pain might be equally painful, but as long as it's a different kind of pain (does that make any sense?)... Example: I keep telling myself that it won't be the kind of pain you'd experience if your tooth was drilled to the root without novocaine (and that makes me feel better). But a charlie horse cramp seems more likely to be close to contraction pain... Hmmm. Honestly, I wasn't afraid of the pain until this happened! So, anyone experience a charlie horse & natural childbirth? Same kind of pain? Yikes!

Well, I have my next OB appointment on Monday. She'll be checking my cervix & possibly giving me the FFN test again. Maybe I'll get lucky and be released from the bedrest orders (which have been very hard to follow since we've had lots of house guests lately). I'll also be receiving the results from my glucose (gestational diabetes) test. I'm actually kind of nervous about this, since I have been eating lots of birthday cake, cookies, & ice cream! :)

So only about 80 more days to go!

27 Weeks: Update, Thank You & Photos (last week)

2008-06-10T12:44:00.000-07:00

Well, I was messing around & took these photos last week (at 26 weeks exactly- before the preterm labor). I wasn't going to post them, but since it looks like I'm not going to be up taking photos again any time soon, I figured what the heck (plus my mom wouldn't stop bugging me about it). :)

I saw my perinatologist who made me feel so much better. He said the kitten looks great! He says she is measuring about 2.12 pounds which is 12 days larger than expected for my due date. He said the uterus, placenta, cervix, and amniotic fluid all look good. I got to see all 4 chambers of the kitten's heart, and the doctor said, "What a beautiful heart!" I loved hearing that! Also, I did pass the FFN test, which means there is only about 1.4% chance I'll deliver in the next two weeks. But both my OB and my perinatologist do want me to remain on bedrest for now, especially since I've been experiencing contractions almost daily since the first episode.

I want to thank everyone for the tips and suggestions for coping with bedrest. I'm also glad so many shared their personal stories- they made me feel not so alone in this! At my next appointment in two weeks, I'll find out just how long I'll have to stay on bedrest- and if it ends up being a while, I am going to look into hiring a physical therapist. Thanks to my mom, I have lots of great pregnancy books including Excerises for the Childbearing Year (as suggested twice), so I will be catching up on some overdue reading! I'm also getting some online shopping done (was there any doubt?), but I will probably need to get one of those bedside hospital-like tables since using a laptop when you don't really have a lap anymore is challenging! Fortunately, Sophie Lu likes to snuggle up with me as much as she can, so I am in great company! Also, I do relocate to the sofa downstairs for a good part of the day so I can spend time with Sophie & Ollie while they play, etc.

So 27 weeks... next week, I'll be in my third trimester! I really can't believe it! Only 88 more days to go!

26 Weeks: Preterm Labor

2008-06-05T07:55:00.000-07:00

On Monday afternoon, I started having what I thought were Braxton Hicks (practice contractions), but they seemed to be happening more than usual. They continued through the night, and I started to have this overall sick feeling. Tuesday came, and I couldn't eat, didn't want to get up, and just felt worse and worse. I started feeling sick to my stomach, my lower back hurt, and the contractions were feeling stronger. I really really did not want to go in to get checked because I was sure they would tell me it was a false alarm- and I was so scared because it was just way way to early (I've since learned that my old OB (I switched) may not have been correct saying the baby would live at 25 weeks)... Anyway, my doula Tracy, my mom, and my doctor's office all told me to go to labor and delivery, and I'm so glad I did. Michael was out of town, so I drove myself to the hospital. Within minutes of being hooked up to the monitors, the nurse told me that I was having real contractions. They monitored me for a couple hours, and then my new OB came to run some tests and examine me. I was soon given an injection of terbutaline which is used to stop labor. It's an awful drug- it made me very shaky, my heart race, etc... but the monitor showed that it did stop the contractions, thank God. It was such a frightening experience- I'm just so glad I went in when I did (before any bleeding or water breakage, etc). Unfortunately, now I am on bedrest. Look at my discharge instructions for preterm labor (how do people with kids do this?)... I'm very lucky to have Edilia, but I have so much I need to do to get ready still- and it's really hard not to be up with Sophie & Olllie. And I'm just so worried this will happen again, but I'm really trying hard not to worry...

Video Clip of my Birth (1968)

2008-05-30T10:38:00.000-07:00

Here is the clip I was referring to in the post below... It's only 4 1/2 minutes long & doesn't show anything too graphic since it was filmed 39 years ago. Notice how tan my mom was- she had been at the beach all day! It's so neat to have video of my parents from so long ago- I still can't believe how young they were when I was born. My mom was only 20, and my dad was 22!

25 Weeks & An Amazing Reunion!

2008-05-27T20:19:00.000-07:00

I'm 25 weeks pregnant, and I can still hardly believe it. Sometimes when I feel the kitten move, I try to picture her... how big she is, what she looks like, what position she is in, etc. It's difficult to though, because it still doesn't seem real to me! I remember while waiting for Sophie (I won't compare it to Ollie since most of that time I truly didn't believe we would ever see him again)... I remember thinking, "This doesn't seem real- at least when you're pregnant, you have a constant reminder inside that it is real, etc." But I was wrong! This feeling is so similar to how I felt during the adoption wait- like it's just too good to be true, what if something goes wrong, etc. The only big difference is that I know for sure that she will be here in about 3 months. Three months? Oh my- I am so not ready!

Anyway, I just visited the OB, and he says everything looks great. He then went on to tell me that I have about 3 more weeks of feeling "comfortable". Huh? I'm supposed to be comfortable now? Michael and I had a great laugh at that one! While my headaches aren't as frequent (thanks to those who suggested they might be caused by grinding my teeth), I do always seem to feel uncomfortable. My entire abdomen hurts- especially in the evenings. The doctor says I need to buy one of those maternity support belts. Hmmm... the kitten only weighs 1 1/2 pounds now. How is it going to feel when she is 7 pounds? Yikes! But the doctor also said something so sweet that it made me cry. Perhaps they are some of the sweetest words I've ever heard. He said, "You are 25 weeks now. If your baby were to be born today, she would live." She would live. She would live! I wasn't expecting to hear those precious words for a few more weeks, but I'm so thankful to be comforted by them a bit early!

So, about our special reunion... here's a little background. I was born in 1968 (yes, I'm old-lol), and shortly before I was born, my mom got involved in the natural, husband-coached childbirth revolution of the late 60's. My parents studied Dr. Bradley's method, and they agreed to have my birth filmed and included in a Bradley birth compilation film to be shown at childbirth classes, etc. Well, after I was born, my mom became the very 1st certificated Bradley instructor, and the film & the movement got a lot of press. My parents and I were asked to appear on several TV shows in which the clip of me being born was shown. These included "The Boutique Show", "The Tempo Show", and another show which Regis Philbin hosted. Here is the page from my baby book (so 70's) in which my mom lists a couple of the shows we were on:

Well, a few weeks ago in Florida, we were sitting in a little restaurant on the river when my mom whispered in my ear, "Shana, see that woman at the table in the corner? That's Maria Cole!!! Maria Cole: wife of Nat King Cole, mother of Natalie Cole, and host of "The Tempo Show" that we appeared on over 39 years ago!!!" I could NOT believe it- what are the odds? And there I sat, 20 weeks pregnant myself! We were so excited- we just had to meet her! (Now keep in mind, that I live in LA and see celebrities all the time and am never star-struck or impressed... but this was different, just such an amazing coincidence!) So when we got the opportunity, we approached her and told her who we were; and she remembered us! She couldn't believe it had been that many years, and she even remembered crying & calling for a commercial due to how emotional watching my birth made her (they showed my birth on her show). She was gracious and sweet- just what I had expected. It was so special to meet & get a hug from this amazing woman!

But for the first time ever, I didn't have a camera with me! So here is the only photo we were able to get of the three of us- it was taken with my cell phone & it's awful- but I'm so glad to have it! Too bad I don't have the clip from her show! But here is the detailed description from my baby book...

My mom is still involved in everything relating to childbirth & maternity care, which has been very helpful to me in my pregnancy. She is a wealth of knowledge and is very well known and respected in the field. She currently trains doulas (we've already hired one- more on that later) and travels around the world speaking about breastfeeding, natural childbirth, and improving maternity services. I'm so lucky to have her!

Names Post #1 (including Sophie Lu's favorite) & 24 Weeks!

2008-05-18T03:23:00.000-07:00

I'm 24 weeks pregnant today & getting bigger and bigger!

First of all, I want to thank everyone again for all the wonderful name suggestions & ideas! We all have such different tastes in names- it's very interesting!

Well, I really didn't think it would be this hard to come up with a name for the kitten. Back when I was so sure the baby was a boy, I thought girls' names would be so much easier- but I was wrong!

I remember when we chose Sophie Lu's name- I knew it was the perfect name from the start, but I will admit that before we had her referral, there were a couple of moments when I thought... "Hmm maybe we should name her Annabella..." But my first instinct and my heart kept telling me "Sophie". I have to remind myself of that this time around, because when I get stuck on a name, I keep thinking that I will get sick of it- so I have to remember that I will only grow to love the name more once I associate it with Kitten's sweet face.

So I am facing a few challenges- one of them being the fact that I am not a mom in her 20's... Since I've been around so much longer than many younger moms, I've had more experiences with names, met more people, and had more friends (including blogger friends) choose names for their own kids. So there are lots of names that I associate with certain memories (some not so great) or other people- plus there are family & friends' baby names that are off limits. So that kind of narrows down the name pool to begin with! Also, there are certain pretty names that aren't so popular now but were very popular when I was young- so in my mind, they are just too popular (examples- Lisa, Ashley, and Kelley- all names I love but know a lot of them), but really they aren't- does that make sense? Sometimes I confuse myself these days!

Another challenge I face is how impressionable my mind is (even though I didn't think it would be)... For instance, I've always loved the name Lulu. But someone recently told me that it reminded them of a nickname for the bathroom in England, and another person told me (while circling their finger by their head) "Lulu- as in crazy, totally lulu?" It's hard for me to avoid these associations now!

But my biggest challenge is Miss Sophie Lu! She is very opinionated and even more picky than I am! Months ago, I mentioned a few names to her, and she quickly decided which name would be her baby sister's. After weeks of suggesting other names (because this name does have it's possible drawbacks for me), Sophie still insisted on this name. When I asked her why she likes it so much, she responded with, "Because that's her name, Mama!" And how could I argue with that? When I was a little girl, I saw this old movie- I wish I knew what that movie was. I think it may be have been a Shirley Temple movie, but I've googled it and can't find anything... Anyway, in this movie, there were babies and little children in Heaven looking down from their clouds to the earth... They were waiting to be born and wondering who their mommies and daddies would be. I don't remember what happened in the rest of the movie (does anyone know what movie this is?), but this scene has stayed with me all this time. I keep wondering, perhaps this is how things really are- little waiting souls in heaven. And maybe Sophie Lu somehow remembers being in Heaven with her baby sister while they were waiting to come to us? I know some people will think my pregnancy hormones are just wacky right now, but it's the way Sophie says it with such confidence, "That's her name, Mama!" It's like she knows! And I love the way this name sounds coming from Sophie Lu's sweet lips- it sounds so pretty. So here is Sophie revealing her favorite name:

So needless to say, our current first choice is Annalisa (which means "Graced by God"). I have loved this name ever since the day I first heard it years ago. The major drawback? Nicknames or shortened names- we would only want her to be called Annalisa. I know some people have said that she will inevitably be called Anna or Lisa (both pretty names) but if this is her name, we will plan to always correct them with "Annalisa". I do know it can be done as I have friends named Elizabeth and Christopher who never used shortened versions- and no one calls them anything else. Still, you never know.

Other names I like: Tiffany (means trinity), Sasha, Arabella (means answered prayer), Lulu, etc...

Of course there are many other names which I do like- but for some reason I just don't "feel" right for the kitten- examples are Ava, Pearl, Julia, Violette, Lili, Mirabelle, Louisa, Ariella, etc. And for some reason, I do feel like I want her name to be 3 or 4 syllables.

As for middle names, we are planning to give the kitten a Chinese middle name to honour her big sister. We want to do everything possible to give them extra opportunities to share something special (matching dresses for the 1st year, etc.). As of now, we are planning on the first part of her middle name to be Li or Mei (Annalisa Li, Sasha Li, Lulu Mei...).

It's still so fun to look through the comments & read the Baby Names books- because I do find names that appeal to me one day that hadn't before. I really am trying to keep an open mind- it's just so hard because Sophie Lu is pretty convinced! She does say that she likes Sasha and Lulu now also- but she always answers "Annalisa" when someone asks what her baby sister's name is. And like I said, who can argue with that? :)

23 Weeks & trying not to worry...

2008-05-12T14:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it seems the weeks are just flying by, but lately time seems to pass so slowly... I'm 23 weeks now, but for the past few days I've been thinking it was 24! Of course, my mind has been mush lately- what do they call that? Pregnancy brain? Momnesia? I can't seem to remember anything!

And I don't know why, but my worries keep creeping back to me... It's almost like this isn't real- it just can't be real... Or maybe it's too good to be true? I remember feeling this way so many times in my life (right before receiving Sophie & Ollie for sure). But it seems that every time I hear of a stillbirth or a nightmare birth experience (why are people sharing these with me?), I start to get consumed with worry. I know that the odds of everything being okay now are very very good, but still I worry. I wonder if all pregnant women go through this, or is it worse since I've had three losses? In any case, I have to remind myself of a beautiful passage that my sweet friend Kim (3peanuts) shared with me at the very beginning of my pregnancy...

Come to me and rest in my loving presence. You know that this day will bring difficulties, and you are trying to think your way through those trials. As you anticipate what is ahead of you, you forget that I am with you - now and always. Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only when they actually occur. Do not multiply your suffering in this way! Instead, come to me and relax in my peace. I will strengthen you and prepare you for this day, transforming your fear into confident trust. (Matthew 11:28-30; Joshua 1:5, 9)

I really need to remember to live in the moment and not to let worry ruin my enjoyment of the new life that I'm sharing- because I've been given such a gift, and I do know that~

I'll be posting about names in the next couple of days... :)

22 Weeks & Ultrasound Pictures!

2008-05-05T07:22:00.000-07:00

These are photos from my ultrsound last week (21 weeks 3 days). The perinatologist said everything looks good! He says the kitten measured about 22 weeks 1 day (due date is still the same), so she is nice and healthy! He says she weighed approximately 1.04 pounds and measured about 12 inches tall. So five days later now, she is even bigger! It's amazing that she is only a pound, but you can see her little facial features (even though I know she is all scrunchy and still developing)... I think she's so cute! :)

Now here is an even more special picture of the kitten... While we were in Florida, Sophie Lu drew this photo of the two of them! She said, "Look, Mama! This is a picture of me with my baby!" (the black writing at the bottom says "Baby Sister" & "Sophie Lu" in "cursive"). I love that Sophie drew herself with her glasses & I especially love that she and her baby sister seem to be looking at each other... (so sweet)!

Only 125 days to go!

21 Weeks & Thank you!!!

2008-04-28T16:37:00.001-07:00

I took these photos with a remote control (the clicker is in my hand above). You can't really see how big my tummy is until you look at the sideview below!

So, I'm 21 weeks pregnant, getting bigger & loving it! I love it that people actually notice I'm pregnant. I feel really special- it's like how special and excited I felt after receivng our adoption referrals (and even before while waiting). There's nothing like the excitement that builds while waiting for your child!

At 21 weeks, the kitten measures approximately 10 2/3 inches and weighs about 13 1/2 ounces. It's surreal to think she is almost a foot tall and all curled up inside. I'm still feeling her move lots (they say she moves around 200 times per day), and I think I even felt her having the hiccups a couple times! By now, she as chosen a favorite sleeping position, and we'll be able to find out what it is since that is the position she will most likely choose to sleep in after she is born!

Sophie Lu and I have been having lots of fun shopping for "baby sister". Sophie sounds like such a big girl when she takes something off the rack and says, "Ohhhh, how cute!" or "Look Mommy, this is perfect for my baby!" We've found several sets of matching dresses in size 5 for Sophie and size 12 months for the kitten- Sophie Lu loves this and says that she and her baby sister will be "twins". She continues to tell everyone about her baby sister and has even promised to change diapers!

I'm loving my new pregnancy pillow (thanks Rachel), but my head/neck aches still persist... they just have to go away at some point, don't they? I don't think the chiropractic treatments worked, so I'll be making an appointment with my accupuncturist soon.

Regarding names... I am overwhelmed at the response to my call for help- thank you all so very much! There are many many comments and lots of lists of names for us to consider! It was so fun to see what names everyone likes these days and which names are most popular (for babies and pets alike, lol). There were many names I hadn't come accross in my research or ever heard of at all- so that was great too! I just don't know- my taste seems to change with the wind... although Sophie Lu still has her favorite! I will make a separate post about names soon, but again- thank you for all the comments and beautiful name suggestions! (Also thanks for making me laugh with some hilarious comments!)

Five months pregnant- time is going by so quickly! Only 133 days to go!

20 Weeks (& please help with names)!

2008-04-21T05:35:00.000-07:00

I'm half way there! It's amazing how fast time flies- it really kind of scares me! On my due date (Sept. 8), Sophie Lu will be 4 years 3 months old, and Ollie will be a couple weeks away from turning 2! Most likely, the kitten will be a virgo, which means we will have 4 virgos in the house (oh my)! My birthday is August 29th, Michael's is September 8th (my due date), and Ollie's is September 20th. So all of us except Sophie Lu, (May 27th- gemini) will be virgos; and the end of summer will be very busy for us!

At 20 weeks, the kitten measures about 10 inches long (approximately half her expected birth weight), and she weighs about 11 ounces (no where near her birth weight). She still has plenty of room to move around- and boy do I feel her moving! She is very active and seems to do somersaults and swim from side to side. I can't imagine what it will feel like when she gets much bigger!

I'm still having terrible neck/headaches and lots of trouble sleeping. I ordered a body pillow, so hopefully that will help. Otherwise, Michael might have to bring in one of the super cozy recliners from our theatre so I can try sleeping a little more upright- hopefully that won't be necessary though. I have been seeing a chiropractor here in Florida. She is a prenatal specialist and came highly recommended. She says my neck is really messed up (maybe I injured it when I fell) and that I should have chiropractic care throughout my pregnancy. So hopefully I can find a specialist to see when we get home. Today, I will have my 4th appointment with her- but unfortunately, it hasn't really helped with the headaches yet. The prenatal massage I get after the adjustment feels SO good though!

Okay, baby names... I really need help here! As I mentioned before, I really really thought the baby was a boy. The perinatologist even hinted that it might be a boy during a previous ultrasound, so I was very surprised and happy to hear that I was having a girl. Not wanting to get my hopes up, I had only thought of boy names. My big baby name book was all tattered and worn on the boy names half and crisp and new in the girl names section! I really thought it would be easy choosing a girl's name- but it isn't! The names I LOVED before I found out just don't seem all that exciting to me any more... Besides my big baby name book, I've been visiting a few baby names websites (nymbler, babynamesworld, babynames, and babyhold). Anyone else know of any other good ones? Anyway, I've been trying to keep an open mind- I mention new names to Michael and Sophie Lu all the time. Michael is pretty open to most names I mention, but Sophie Lu is VERY opinionated and says a firm, "NO" to most any name I suggest. I guess in retrospect it was a mistake for me to include her on the naming, because she already has a name from my original list picked out & won't seem to consider anything but this name! I'll share that name and my others in an upcoming post, but for now I would welcome any and all suggestions... I'm looking for something feminine (no last names or unisex names) and pretty- and something that sounds good with Sophie and Oliver. It's fun to see what others come up with, and I've found it very interesting to see just how different everyone's taste in names is! But like I said, I'm trying to keep an open mind, so bring on the suggestions!

Only 140 more days to go!

19 Weeks (& a photo that Sophie took of me!)

2008-04-14T12:23:00.000-07:00

I'm officially 19 weeks pregnant! In just one more week, I'll be half way there!!! I feel like it's going by so fast (remind me I said that in August, lol)... I have so much to do- how will I be ready? We haven't even decided which room will be the nursery yet, and I'm having a lot of trouble with baby names (I'll be posting about that soon). Also, I'm in a nesting phase and have a mile-long list of cupboards, closets, hard-drives, etc. that need to be cleaned out and organized. One thing I am looking forward to is going through all of Sophie Lu's baby things- many of which still have tags (okay I guess I bought her WAY too many dresses- hundreds!) Sophie actually grew out of many things before she had a chance to wear them... Also, we bought lots of pairs of pretty shoes for her in China- but Sophie has chunky feet (they are tall from bottom to top) and couldn't fit into most of them. There are many dresses (particularly all that Sophie wore in China) that are very sacred to me & won't be used again- still, The Kitten will already have lots of pretty things to fill her closet. But since we didn't receive Sophie until she was 13 months old, I have nothing small enough for the first year. I am SO excited about all the shopping I get to do for clothes size NB (I love that!) up to 12 months! I've even already found a few matching dresses for The Kitten and Sophie Lu (size 12 months & 5 years- since they will be 4 years apart). :)

So, I wanted to start taking photos of myself periodically to document my pregancy growth. It's not that I care so much about doing it, but I'm worried one day I might wish I had. Sophie Lu took the above photo! She has so much fun taking photos, and I was surprised to find that I liked her photo better than the ones my mom took (no offense, Mom)! I've received lots of comments regarding "belly shots", and that is what I thought the above was- but my mom informed me that I'm supposed to take photos of my bare belly!!! Really? Do most people do that? Hmmm... not quite sure if I have the guts for that...

At 19 weeks, the baby measures approximately 9 inches long and weighs around 9 ounces. She responds to sounds and can recognize voices (she'll probably recognized Sophie's voice the most since she is always talking- lol)! I'm still suffering from terrible neck and headaches almost every day. They start around 3 or 4 in the morning and stay until early afternoon. My doctors don't think it's hormonal- and I've concluded that it probably has something to do with how I've been sleeping. They say I'm supposed to sleep on my left side, which is hard for me because I'm a tummy & back sleeper. I always wake up in weird positions and have the hardest time getting comfortable. I'm going to see Dr. Kim (my accupuncturist) when I get back home, and hopefully, she'll be able to help. I hope so, because it's hard to function when I'm in so much pain. The Kitten, however, is doing just great! She is SO playful- moving around all the time. I think she is actually doing somersaults in there! Michael felt her for the first time last week, and even though this is not his first biological baby, it was very special to him! It's very comforting to feel her move- since I really am always a bit worried. Those times are extra special to me, because for a few brief moments, I can feel a care-free excitement that doesn't come easily to someone with multiple miscarriages. I wonder if there will ever be a point in this pregnancy where I stop worrying altogether... either way, I am definitly feeling better about things with each passing day~ and only 147 more days to go! :)

18 Weeks (I can feel her moving!)

2008-04-07T13:49:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe I am 18 weeks pregnant! I'm really showing (photo coming soon), and I've been feeling the kitten move for a week now! It feels so neat... really very special. It's hard to describe, but it feels gentle, soft, and sometimes deliberate. It's funny how at times when I'm all caught up with worry, she seems to move just to prove that she's there- as if to comfort me. I can feel her from the inside and when I place my hand on my tummy, but Michael can't really feel it yet. I read somewhere that this is the best way to show others how it feels: put your hand on your cheek, and gently push the inside of your cheek with your tongue. And it really does feel like that!

At 18 weeks, she measures approximately 8 inches long (or 4 inches from crown to rump) and weighs about 7 to 8 ounces. It's surreal to imagine her and to realize that she really is growing inside and that she really will be born!

We are all so excited about this baby girl! Everyone in our families has been so supportive, but it's especially wonderful to have the loving support of all four of my step-kids (16, 21, 23 & 25). They have been particularly sweet and happy about this; and I can't say how much that means to me.

Sophie Lu gets more excited about her baby sister every day! She tells everyone that she is going to have a baby sister- it's so cute! Today, while I was trying to nap (not always easy with Sophie & Ollie around), I overheard Sophie Lu asking her Daddy, "What does my baby sister look like?" Michael answered that we don't know yet, but that just like Sophie- her baby sister would be beautiful. Sophie Lu then said proudly, "I can't wait to see my beautiful baby sister!"
She said it so sweetly, and of course, it melted my heart!

152 more days to go until you see your baby sister, sweet Sophie Lu!!!

A Special Gift from Michael & Prayer for Motherhood

2008-04-06T13:59:00.001-07:00

I've always loved images and paintings of Madonna & Child; and they are especially meaningful now that I am pregnant...

Michael, my mom, and my two aunties spent the day in St. Augustine and visited the Shrine of Our Lady of La Leche.

Michael bought me a very special gift there... a necklace & pendant depicting Our Lady of La Leche (Mother Mary nursing Baby Jesus). This necklace is so meaningful to me... Michael knows that I've been frought with worry lately, and he said that this would be my good luck charm. He also brought Sophie Lu a heart-shaped necklace representing the Miracle of Christ (I thought it was so sweet that he thought of both of us).

...........................The statue of Our Lady of La Leche.

Below is a beautiful prayer to Mother Mary, Our Lady of La Leche:

(Prayer for Motherhood)

Lovely Lady of La Leche,

Most loving mother of the Child Jesus, and my mother,

Listen to my humble prayer.

Your motherly heart knows my every wish, my every need.

To you only, His spotless Virgin Mother,

has your Divine Son given to understand the sentiments which fill my soul.

Yours was the sacred privilege of being the Mother of the Savior.

Intercede with him now, my loving Mother, that, in accordance with His will,

I may become the mother of other children of our heavenly Father.

This I ask, O Lady of La Leche, in the Name of your Divine Son,

My Lord and Redeemer.

Amen.

Baby News!!!

2008-03-29T21:45:00.000-07:00

It's a girl!!! I can't believe it! I'm so excited and overwhelmed with happiness! But I'm in such disbelief! I really really really wanted a girl, but I was totally convinced it was a boy (even though almost everyone else thought it was a girl). Sophie Lu is beyond excited! We had tried to explain to her that it may be a baby sister or a baby brother, but she kept insisting on a baby sister! She kept telling us, "Noooo... I already have a baby brother! Now I need a baby sister- I want both, just like Dora!" We are all so happy about this news! Now, let the shopping and baby naming begin!!!

(Comments are on the original post at http://waitingforsophie.blogspot.com/2008/04/baby-news.html#links .)

So happy to announce...

2008-03-01T20:20:00.000-08:00

We are expecting a baby! Now that I am almost 13 weeks pregnant, I finally feel safe enough to make the announcement. :)

A little history...

I'll never forget the moment I knew I wanted to adopt from China... I was sitting in my highschool world history class feeling shocked and so saddened to learn of China's one-child policy, and especially sickened to see a slideshow including a magazine photo of seemingly unaffected business men walking by a fetus in one of China's crowded streets. That image still haunts me today, but I'm so thankful to have seen it; because that was the day I decided that no matter what, I would mother a baby girl born to another in China...

Almost 20 years later, the time had come to have my first child; and I found myself discussing my dream of China adoption with my husband, family, and friends. I also wanted to have a biological child, but I just knew in my heart that my first child would be my daughter from China. But because of I was nearing 35, everyone convinced me to try for a biological child first. I went off the pill and immediately got pregnant. It was so easy! I had not a care in the world and was over the moon excited; and of course, I was still planning to adopt from China for baby number #2. But much to my surprise, no heartbeat was to be found; and soonafter, I miscarried.
. .
Like anyone who experiences a miscarriage, I was devastated. But unlike the other women on my BabyCenter pregnancy board who had miscarried, I did NOT want to turn around and get pregnant again right away. Instead, the very day after I had my D&C, I drove to my homestudy agency and filled out the paperwork needed to begin our China adoption. It was just so obvious to me that I had been right all along- my first baby was being born China. And she would be waiting for me. Little did I know then that my precious Sophie Lu, the baby girl I had dreamt of, would be born just weeks after our loss.

After two years with our perfect and precious Sophie Lu, we decided to try for baby #2. (Although I did wonder how I could ever possibly love another child as much as I loved Sophie Lu- and I doubted that childbirth could be as magical as the moment Sophie was placed in my arms.) Again, pregancy came very quickly; and I was filled with hope knowing that the odds were that I would experience a normal, healthy 2nd pregancy. Sadly, I miscarried again. Another story for another time, but God then led us to our sweet Ollie. Soonafter we accepted his referral, I had my third miscarriage. It seemed clear to me then that I did in fact have a problem, so I went to a specialist. During our intake meeting, I noticed photos of my blond doctor with her Chinese daughter. Sure enough, she had adopted from China as well (and she used our same wonderful agency, USAA). When she learned of Sophie Lu and our impending adoption of Ollie, she seemed very confused as to why I would want a biological baby. I explained to her that biology means nothing to me, but that I wanted to experience pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and being a mom to a newborn. I couldn't believe what she said next, "Babies are over-rated!" Can you imagine? A fertility doctor saying such a thing... And after learning about her plans to biopsy my uterus, fill me with dye, and other such procedures, I decided to never see her again. I went back on the pill and focused on the Guatemalan process (which as many know was a very sad and discouraging time in our lives... but with a very positive outcome- our sweet Ollie Baby).

We didn't have plans for another child, so we were surprised to learn in January that I was pregnant for the 4th time. There were so many mixed emotions- excitement, disbelief, happiness, but most of all- fear. I had had 3 miscarriages, so what would or could be possibly different this time? Just like the other times, my first ultrasound was fine- everything seemed normal, but my blood tests revealed low progesterone. I had been on 100mg of progesterone with the last two pregnancies; but this time, my OB put me on 400mg daily. (Needless to say, I have been very very tired!) Also, I had been seeing an accupuncturist for quite some time. Believe it or not, I followed her advice and swore off alcohol and caffeine 3 months before I got pregnant (she also made me go off the pill as it was affecting my kidneys.) When she learned of my pregnancy, she said, "Don't worry- I'll take care of your baby. This time will be different- you will see." (Thank you, Dr. Kim!) Still, when it came time for my 6 week ultrasound, I was terrified as this was the ultrasound that "should" reveal a heartbeat. To my shock, there WAS a heartbeat! I was so excited, but still scared as I had seen a heartbeat during my 2nd pregnancy- only to find no heartbeat a week later. But now at 12 1/2 weeks, my little baby's heart is still beating strong... And I got to see hands and feet- even fingers and toes! I'm just so shocked- I can barely even believe it!

The perinatologist says there is only a 1% chance of miscarriage now, and my prior history no longer affects my odds. The bitterness I've felt over my miscarriages is finally starting to fade. I feel so blessed and so lucky. So very very lucky. After all, I got to experience the miracle of adoption; and soon, I will get to experience the miracle of birth. I am so thankful to God for giving me the clarity to know that my first-born was waiting in China, for making it possible for me to experience the miracle that is adoption, and for giving me this 4th chance and a healthy pregnancy. And I am very thankful to my wonderful husband Michael for believing in my dreams and for giving me the most beautiful family I could ever hope for.

Our baby is due on September 8, 2008 (Michael's 50th birthday)!

(Comments are on the original post at http://waitingforsophie.blogspot.com/2008/03/sooo-happy-to-announce-little-miracle.html.)